The ugly side to self love through self care.
Three things folks don’t tell you about the journey to self love and making it stick.
Self care and self love sound like the most amazing experience to go through especially right
about now.
Right now, folks are really struggling with being alone. Being in quarantine has forced many to
stop and sit with themselves.
So since you have to be alone and you’re stuck with yourself and your own thoughts, why not
take this time to love up on yourself, right?
Sounds amazing. Right?
Well, let me help you pump your breaks a little bit.
Self love IS a beautiful thing and a beautiful experience that EVERYONE deserves to have.
But there’s some work you have to put in this thang. Yes, I said thang, because this journey to
self love through self care can get a little bumpy to where your words fall apart and the spelling
gets shortened because you are going through some thangs. See I said it again.
Let me share the rough but beautiful parts of this journey that others don’t tell you about or only
give you half a scoop.
First of all, you have to acknowledge that you’ve been hurt and that you’re hurting.
For me, this was really hard. Like who wants to acknowledge they’ve been hurt some kind of
way. Let alone, no matter how much time has passed that the hurt is STILL there.
I had worked really hard at building up tough skin after being hurt to ensure that I would NEVER
hurt like that again. NOW, I’m being asked to shed that tough skin. I asked myself two
questions. What kind of request is this? and what have I gotten myself into? I did both and that
when the vulnerability began. Naked and alone is the best way to describe the feeling, but let’s
keep going.
Second of all, You have to look at all the bullshit you’ve accepted into your life.
Seeee, I told you this thang is about to get rough.
But before you start looking at all the bullshit you’ve accepted, you have to put on a different
lens. Kind of like reading glasses in the drug store.. and you’re trying on different reading
glasses that have different strengths without a true test to reflect what strength you really need.
Some lenses cause blurred vision while others you try on create so much clarity around you,you and wonder how you’ve been without a good pair of glasses for this long. So Yes, put on a different lens. It’s A lens of forgiveness.
Aht, aht, were not done yet. The lens is not forgiveness of the outsider. Instead is a lens of
forgiveness of the insider… YOU.
Yep, you’re about to ugly cry. I told ya.
After you put this lens on, you’ll probably start asking yourself insulting questions like, how could
I be so dumb? What was I thinking?
Then here’s the tougher part. When you ask yourself those questions, show yourself some
mercy when you answer. Whew, I know, but I said, what I said. You have to show yourself some
mercy.
What does that look like? Great question.
Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a grieving or hurting friend. Why? Because you are your
own friend and your friend is hurting right now.
Now listen, if you would talk to your friend crazy during such a fragile time, then that’s a different
issue to tackle in a different blog.
Back to our grieving friend though.
There is no need in trying to answer those questions. Right.
They only make the pain worse and the cuts deeper.
We’re trying to heal, not throw salt in the wound. So let’s genuinely answer this question. From a
place of love and mercy.
How could you be so dumb?
Genuine answer. In that moment, your actions weren’t dumb. Your actions were out of love,
care and concern for that person. Want to express yourself outloud, how you felt on the inside.
Just because its over or that person didn’t receive your actions ina positive light doesn’t make
you dumb or question your intelligence. It just makes your feelings hurt. That’s all.
What was I thinking?
Genuine answer. I was thinking in that moment that I wanted to make that person feel good or
make that situation better. My intentions were in the right place. That’s all.
Finally, when your tears are all dried up, you’ve put oil on your face to ease the dry path the
tears created on your face and you’ve given yourself the biggest hug, its time to move forward in
a healthy manner from here on out.
How?
By creating a healthy boundary and honoring it.
When they say, after every storm comes a rainbow.
To me, it means after difficult situations there comes beautiful lessons and honorable
boundaries to reflect the love you now have for yourself after this experience.
To create a healthy boundary.
Ask yourself, if something like this happened again, how do I want to FEEL in this situation?
Come up with a healthy FEELING.
If that feeling is violated, ask yourself, what can I do to honor the feeling that I want to feel?
It might be to walk away, it might be to communicate responsibly to the other party.
Once your boundary is created, look in the mirror and tell yourself OUTLOUD, I’m deserving of
love and I’m the one who is going to give me what I deserve. I love you and honor you (say your
name).
At first this is going to feel and look awkward. Trust me, I know. But after awhile of talking to
yourself in a positive way and being your hype man, you might find yourself flipping your hair,
patting your afro, flexin or blowing yourself a kiss once you accept how amazing you really are.
Go on now, go on and love on yourself.
Thank me later.
Now look, know that a real person with real feelings wrote this blog. If you enjoyed reading it
and would like to stay connected feel free to get on my email list and I will notify you every time I
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Connect soon and thank you for reading.